Damn that fat lady to hell... she sat on my book as well.
The first thing I noticed was, that Privateer Press should work a bit on their writing. I'm only up to the Khador stories, but I don't think it will change much throughout the book. The storyline is actually better than expected, but the conversations are mediocre, and the fights are horrible.
I don't mind the fact that people use full titles in conversation, as this is easily explained by etiquette, religious rules, or military ranks. What bugs the hell out of me is every friggin time I see "Captain Kara Sloan raised her rifle", "Karchev the Terrible did something", or the worst one by far: "Thyra, Flame of Sorrow, did something something". It's such a small detail, but it makes the whole thing incredibly unbelievable, and ruins any hopes of immersion in the storyline.
Characters in the story are crammed into "game related" actions, which make them appear like stumbling dumbasses, and the fights themselves have been better described in random online battle reports. This makes it really really hard to focus on the good things in the book, and while I accept that it's a game accessory, I feel this could have been done better without increasing the cost by much. Have the current writers do the actual work, then run everything through a good writer, that can change details, remove the worst clutter, and create a bit of immersion and flow.
With that load of bile out of the way, I'll admit that there are some nice parts in the book so far. Thyra's Daughters of the Flame get an attempt at depth, which fails because of the already mentioned lack of immersion, but makes them slightly more interesting. Irusk has a fight with an old Cygnar warcaster, and since he's not in the game, we get to witness an actual Warcaster death, combined with some actual personality from Irusk. Harkevich manages some cliche Russian comradeship, but it does give Khador a bit of warmth that they've been lacking.
Still, even the very low expectations I had, turned out to be to much to ask for. The short introductions to every model/unit are fine though, as these are more "historical facts", than actual drama, but in the overall picture these matter very little.